The Adventures of Fleur LeTurd

Qu'est ce que sup?

Fleur LeTurd had a bad temper, an even worse French accent, and zero lovers. (So far). Hopefully, a night out on the town would change that. Fleur put on  her hot pink patent leather mini dress, some twelve inch heels and a tiara. Take that future amours!

Also, to tip the odds in her favor, Fleur invited her best frenemy, Ronda Kablumpy to tag along.

Ronda a.k.a Lumpy Kablumpy, had no neck, no boobs, no butt and no dating experience. Ronda wore a short, sparkly red dress and brown tights. From far enough away, she looked just like a candied apple.

Fleur and Ronda were standing in line outside the club, when a couple of wannabe thugs walked over doing gang signs to each other. Fleur batted her lashes extra hard and squished herself right up next to Ronda. “Qu'est ce que sup?” she asked in  her best Elvis voice. One wannabe thug made an “L” with his fingers and put it on his forehead and said, “as if!” and walked to the back of the line. “Nice one Lumpy” said Fleur, shoving Ronda into the brick wall of the club. Ronda was all sad and confused.

Then, who should drive up in his newly convertibilized Pinto? Why… none other than Elroy McLamedog. A broke ass, fine ass, blind-as-a-bat-ass, retired sailor. He had his fun with the boys out on the water, but he was straight now that he was on land. Elroy saw that shiny red candied apple named Ronda and his heart pumped all his blood straight down into one big old boner. “Hop on in here my big red ball of love!” Ronda wiggled in delight and sashayed over to Elroy.

“Hold the fuck up Ronda,” said Fleur, dropping her French accent completely. “You’re ditching me for some old horndog?” Ronda did a happy little shimmy in the passenger seat and never looked back. 

Fleur walked home alone that night, sad as fuck. She tripped over a non-expensive call girl named Stefánia Alemánia. At fifty-eight, she was covered in cellulite, missing four teeth, and pure magic. Using just her body, Stefánia took away Fleur’s depression and gave her a new outlook on life. And Hepatitis.

The End